When Beauty Gets Ugly: "Rude Ass People"

Rude ass people. Am I right?

Most of us carry some sort of filter in our day to day conversations. Sometimes thoughts pop in our heads that can take even us by surprise. I know I’ve had those moments where I’m like, wow, I’m glad I didn’t say that, or, I can’t believe that thought came from me. We’ve all had them. Our brain gives us a bit of a window to decide if what we’re constructing in our minds is worth vomiting out all over others. Most of the time, we make the right choice.

But apparently, not all people’s filters are working correctly.

There are people out there that just let it fly. I find it amazing, the things people feel compelled to say. Like, for instance, pointing out slight grammatical errors in your language—even though most everybody speaks informally nowadays.  Hell, we’re lucky if we manage to get all the words out. Because unless we’re standing in front of a judge, or maybe our boss, most of the time we’re falling into ‘text speak’. Lots of times, at least for me, that also means falling into a bad accent as I say it.

What? It’s fun.

I once had a customer first correct the way I stated something, than chastise me for not taking such communication seriously in a job where I had to speak formally with other people. Really, lady? I’m selling you a stick of fragranced aluminum wax that you’re going to rub back and forth over your damp and sweaty arm pits. Formality seems a bit…overrated.

Fine. How about this:

My sincerest apologies, dearest customer, for not taking the time to plan and plot each word whilst you and your husband search for the correct and preferred form of scented deodorant.  I am a disgrace to my business and to the human race.

There. Feel better?

All I’m saying is people just need to relax. Settle down. But some customers want to be angry.

I had a customer yell at me today for not helping her in fragrance—even though she was already being helped by another associate. And to make matters worse, that associate was the one who could actually answer her questions. Yet she stared me down as I was in the middle of helping another group of women, and when I finally acknowledged her heavy, beady eyes—she immediately accused me of ignoring her on purpose.

I guess sometimes you just can’t win.

Luckily, I’m one of those people that can just shrug it off. Yep, that’s me. Shrugging it off. Seven hours later. Totally letting it go. Yep. Not peeved about it even a little bit…

…Ah, Hell. Fuck it.

 

Cheers to you all, and happy shopping!!

 

When Beauty Gets Ugly: "Themes"

Themes. They’re everywhere. Not all the time, but often enough. I notice it the most in movies. Every year it seems there are two movies that carry the same theme—always released a month or two apart. This year that theme is blowing up the White House, like they do in Olympus Has Fallen and White House Down. But remember when the theme was asteroids and meteors in Armageddon and Deep Impact? Or what about the summer of magic with The Illusionist and The Prestige?

What I’m saying is, every now and again, you can sum up your day with one word alone. Today—for me—that one word is Lipstick. Not what you were expecting? It’s certainly not as dramatic as explosions and heroes flying out into space. Then again, this is how real life works.

Imagine starting your day with lipstick in your hair. Now, it’s in your hair because your daughter loves sneaking your lipstick out of your drawer or purse and stashing it away so she can use it at another time of her choosing. However, this time she stashed it while watching Ultimate Spiderman in your bedroom. On your bed. Laying on your pillows. You see where I’m going with this, right?

I’m a restless sleeper. I toss and turn, flip and kick. Bunch and re-bunch my pillow. Well, during one of those ‘re-bunching’ episodes, I must have knocked out the lipstick my daughter stashed in my pillowcase while she was watching her ‘stories’. And she didn’t leave the cap on it. So…a few hours later…I wake up with pink smashed in my hair, along with Pepto-Bismol streaks across my face and pillow.

And that’s the start of my day.

A few hours later, I’m working alone in my bay. I’m reorganizing, trying to keep myself busy—dying for the coffee break I know is coming any minute. Finally, I have my wallet in one hand, phone in the other, when up walks a woman who stops at the lipsticks. She grabs two and swipes them over her hand, all while I’m cursing my luck and setting down stuff.

“Can I help you find anything?” I ask (I’m sure my voice had that resigned, slightly annoyed tone to it). I really, really need that coffee.

“Actually, yes,” she says, unaware of my anguish. “I’m looking for a new lipstick. I want red, pink and orange, but I want it all in one lipstick. You think you could find that for me?”

Pause. Then blink. My first thought is Oh, screw you…(actually it was the f-bomb, but no need to frighten people). Luckily, I was smart enough not to verbalize it. Besides, she doesn’t know my brain is screaming for caffeine and drowning in frustration. She just wants help finding her lipstick—that’s red, orange and pink all at the same time. Sigh.

I don't think she realized how utterly ridiculous that statement sounded.

In the end I did find something (which we were out of), and she left happy. Job well done. Catastrophe averted.

A few hours and a few normal customers later, I get round three. Up comes Lipstick Lady, the archetype from my very first blog. The one who’s on an endless hunt for the perfect lipstick. However, this particular breed has cross-pollinated with the Constant Returner—which caused a mutation that laced her with traces of the dreaded Energy Vampire.

Good thing I drank that coffee earlier.

All in all, the day wasn’t bad—it was just strange. Strange because it all revolved around one thing.

Lipstick.

 

Cheers to you all, and happy shopping.

 

 

 

When Beauty Gets Ugly: "Ridiculous Returners"

Truth: Returns are frustrating in general. Nobody likes having their hard work brought back to them, even if most of the time it’s not the customer’s fault. We don’t get angry with people for returning…mostly…so please understand—we have numbers we need to make, and returns push us further away from our goal. Any of you out there would get frustrated in that situation. However, some returns are just totally bogus.

You’ve heard me rant about the constant returners. And the ones who cleverly try to disguise face creams with body lotions. What you haven’t heard about yet are the ridiculous returners…

Man, oh man. These people have some serious balls. It never ceases to amaze me how some people act during a return. My favorite is when they walk up and hand over a jar of face cream or a bottle of foundation and ask to return it. Oh, yeah…and the damned thing is empty! Yep. Empty. As in all gone. Completely.

“It just didn’t work for me,” they’ll say.

Well, obviously…

“Yeah, and it gave me a reaction.”

Of course. The bottom of the bottle can do that sometimes.

I mean, seriously! That’s like me buying a pair of Seven Jeans, wearing the absolute hell out of them until their ripped and frayed, stained and faded and damn near shapeless—and then returning them because they didn’t fit right.

Balls, I tell you. Balls.

I once had a woman who returned an eyeliner sharpened nearly to the bottom. She told me the color wasn’t right for her eyes. Maybe she should try a powder eyeliner instead. Sure, I told her. We picked a new color—at which point she asked if she could return the small nub of a pencil she hadn’t liked. Uh, really?

Wait…it gets worse—

I paused, giving her the eye. Then I said, “Alright. We can do that this time.” —Because let’s face it, at that time and place I didn’t really have a choice.

So I start the exchange on the register. As I’m nearly done, she asks me what I’m going to do with the pencil now that she’s returned it. I tell her it gets put with the other returns to be disposed of. Then I finish the return—but apparently, she’s not done yet.

“Well,” she said, “if you’re just going to throw it away, can I have it back?”

That’s when I blinked at her. Long and slow.

“It seems like a waste to just throw it out,” she continued.

Seriously? I’m thinking to myself.

“Unfortunately,” I told her, “You just gave this pencil back to me in exchange for that new eyeliner.” I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when she continued to argue with me.

“But if you’re just going to throw it away, what’s the difference?”

“The difference,” I said, “is that I gave you money for this pencil—”

I picked up the pencil so she could see it.

“—which you then spent on this eyeliner—”

I held up the bag with her new purchase. “I need to have some kind of product on my end since we did an exchange.”

To which she said, “You people are so wasteful! I can’t believe you would just toss it in the garbage. It’s people like you and companies like this that are destroying the world!”

Yeah, lady. It’s all me (I’m shaking my head right now, just so you know).

I can’t even really get mad at people like this—because their behavior is so utterly…well, ridiculous.

 

Cheers to you all—and happy shopping!

 

When Beauty Gets Ugly: "Musings..."

My apologies for the long absence! I took a break for two very good reasons:

1.      After the Boston bombing, I felt the world had enough negativity going around (even though mine is all done with the most playful intentions). So I took a break from the beauty blog to work on a short story I was getting ready to submit to a contest.

…and..

 

2.      I spent last weekend out of the state, visiting a house that time forgot. What I mean is, there was no WiFi—oh, the humanity! It was a great trip and we had a lot of fun, but now we’re back and it’s time for me to get back to work.

So, I was chatting with a coworker the other day—and something interesting came up. Something we in cosmetics have all noticed or brought up at one time or another. I’ve even hinted at it in previous post. I found myself, for the first time, really considering the possibility that staying in the cosmetics industry for a long time really does drive many of us crazy. Literally crazy. Not just ha-ha, every now and again crazy, but truly, actually, totally butt-fuck bonkers.

Now obviously this doesn’t apply to everyone—but think about all the crazy AE’s and cosmetic managers out there. Not to mention the trainers and National Artists we come across. I know all of us—every single one of us—has run into someone like this before. We’ve all had them. Doesn’t that make you wonder if you kind of have to be crazy when you take these promotions? Or are you normal when you take them, and it’s all the bullshit events, pain-in-the-ass customers, and wild personalities you need to keep in check that finally shoves you over the edge?

After fifteen years, I could kind of see how this could drive a person mad. I guess. Then again, maybe it is something they slip in the water…

 

Sorry again for the delay. I promise next time to be back and ready for action on how not to shop in cosmetics. Hmmm…I think maybe that should be my blog’s new name. What do you think?

For now, I wish you well…and happy shopping.