Alright, I’ve waited long enough. This next addition is about a large majority of what we do. Of course I’m talking about makeovers,
or beauty lessons. Or color reboots. Insert whatever term you like. Bottom line,
we makeup artists love them. Well, most of the time. Every now and again, always
a little more often than we like, a person will come in and make us wonder
where the hell the love went. These oh-so-wonderful people usually drain us
completely, making us feel weary and broken and just a little more bitter towards
the world than we were before they sat in our chair.
As with my previous post on returns, these are but two examples
plucked from a deep pool of many. There will be more to come…oh, you can be
sure of that. For today, I’m calling out two very exhausting, very tiring
archetypes:
“The Forever Makeover”
This is exactly what it sounds like—a makeup lesson that
goes on for-eh-ver...All because you are unsure about the foundation color, the
texture of the foundation, the look of the foundation. The feel of it on your
skin. There are so many formulations…how are you supposed to know which one of
them is the best if you don’t try them all. Right now. One after another. Now,
this isn’t a problem as long as foundation
is what you’re here for. But you’re not here for foundation, you’re here
for a makeover. Worst of it is, you’re not finished yet.
Okay, we finally have your complexion looking perfect and we
are moving on to the eyes—where we go round after round on perfect eye shadow
colors. We try this and we try that. You smile, being friendly, ensuring us you
love this brand and are in need of new colors. We add a little more, then we
grab our blending blush to soften it up when you ask us to. Then, of course, we
have to add just a little bit more. Again. You may see our eyes darting around
as we check the faces of the coworkers around us. We’re searching for ‘the look’.
The one that tells us we’re not your first victim. We move on, adding mascara, concealer.
Next we’re on to lips. Meanwhile, you try to be charming, you try to joke with
us and make conversation. We keep up with you in hopes that the last hour won’t
have been for nothing. We go through one set of lips. Then another. And
another. By this time, we want to go hide behind the counter and cry. We’ve
laughed, we’ve tried to be understanding, but inside we just want you to be
happy. So you will just go away. Finally. If you smile at us and tell us you
want it all, then all is forgiven. We discover we really do like you. But it’s
not often you say that. Most of the time we hear, “Oh, I love it. I’m going see
how it wears tonight. Would you mind writing it all down?”
Yeah. Sure. No problem. We smile, but it doesn’t reach our
eyes. In fact, if looks could kill, you would be falling to the floor right…about…Now.
“The Regulars We Never Wanted and Can’t Seem to Get Rid Of”
Here’s an analogy I like to use when talking about you. You
are like a booger we can’t get off our finger. The only way to get rid of you
is to wipe you off on someone else. Not a pretty visual, but hey. It’s true.
You are so bad, we will act on pure self-preservation.
We’re sorry, we’re busy. Again. However, we know a great artist who might be
available… If worse comes to worse, we will actually pass you off to our
bestest of friends if it means we get to escape you. And it doesn’t matter how
much you buy from us. Nothing you do makes it better. You are so picky, so
bossy, so condescending. It has to be perfect. Perfect. And only you can verify what’s perfect or not. Who cares
that the look you want is outdated by at least two decades—you are the only one
who knows how to make you beautiful. I don’t know why you don’t just save
everyone the aggravation and just do it yourself. But no, you must train us
dumb artists on how to do our job. And you care not for our time or personal
lives. If we’re forced to stay late for you, that’s okay. That’s our job,
right? We’re lucky to even have one.
Well, let us tell you something. We like our jobs. Well, at
least, some of us do. And we like ourselves. Somehow, I think that’s your
biggest problem. You don’t know how to like yourself, or at least like the way
you look. And that has made you bitter. Unlike us, you can’t just wipe that
kind of booger away. This one will stick to you forever if don’t do something
about it. So here’s hoping you find a way to like yourself again. And if you do somehow manage it, we’ll be here, waiting.
Cheers. And happy shopping.
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