When Beauty Gets Ugly…Part II

After this weekend, I have two very specific cosmetic world archetypes I want to focus on. Luckily, we are not confronted with these two every day, for I don’t think many of us have the patience or strength to deal with them on a daily basis. But we have all had them, and there is nothing that makes us roll our eyes faster. So without further ado, I give you the “Endlessly Annoying and Always Indecisive Woman” and the “Over-the-Phone Color Consult”.

For those reading this who don’t know what I mean by indecisive, let me give you an example:

“Do you like this pink?” The woman holds the mirror higher, tilting it just so, trying to find better lighting. She moves her head back and forth, a small line building between her brows.

“Yes, it’s not too bright, which is what you said you were looking for. It’s very pretty.” At that moment we mean it—very, very much.

“What about this pink?” She grabs one lipstick near the beginning of a long line, one we tried several rounds back. One we already agreed wasn’t right.

“That was the one you thought was too bright. Remember?" The urge to groan is almost too strong to hold back. For a moment, we actually consider saying the rude comment in the back of our brain.

“But it was nice, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. Is that the one you want?”

“But what about this one?" Again she looks in the mirror, pushing her lips out in small pout. "You said you like this one, didn’t you? Does that mean I should get this one…?”

Why is the salesperson so damn angry? Well, it’s because this same exact conversation has been going in a viscous circle for an hour and a half. Yes, you read that right. An hour and a half. Inevitably, it is always this customer that keeps us at least a half hour past our shift. Trust me, the most patient person in the world is going to start thinking violent thoughts after the first hour.

So, here’s my advice to this shopper—just stop. Stop shopping all together. You should hire someone to do it for you because obviously making decisions is really, really hard for you. I mean, you aren’t buying a car or a house, for crying out loud. It’s a lipstick. Just a small, $24 lipstick. The difference between this pink and that pink does not equal the end of the world as we know it. And if you ask our advice, take it. Or just don’t ask. Here's a fun truth for you, Endlessly Annoying and Always Indecisive, you're the person we use to torture new employees or those we don’t like.

Now to you, the over-the-phone color consult person. I know it’s hard to buy color online. I get it. But if you call up and keep me on the phone for an hour, making me put color after color on my hand, making me describe each tone to you, telling me things like, “Will that work for me? I’m a Winter.” If you do this to me, I don’t want to hear you say at the end of the conversation, “Well, thank you so much for your time. Now I know just what to order from colormefuckingbeautiful.com.”

If I hear you say that, I’m going to freak out. Big time. And I better never hear your voice again, thanks.

Have a beautiful day. Cheers.