When Beauty Gets Ugly: "Know It Alls"

The “Know-It-Alls”. You know them…we all know them—and not just in cosmetics either. They pop up everywhere. I know for me personally, this person really gets under my skin. I can admit I take pride in how thoroughly I know my field. So there’s nothing worse for me than someone telling me how to do my job like I don’t already know. Like I haven’t been doing this day in and day out for a very long time. The fact that they had two years of cosmetic experience in 1983, and now want to come tell me how things are supposed to work? Yeah, I don’t think so.

I know many of my fellow cosmetic peeps are all nodding their head right now and shouting, “Amen! You tell them, girl.”

Well I’m gonna. So here’s to you:

“The Know-It-All Makeover”

This can be bad in so many ways. It all depends if you’re alone or have your friends with you. If it’s just you, that’s bad enough, but if it’s you and friends? Complete and utter nightmare. So let’s start with just you. We know it’s going to be bad when you boldly ask for a mirror before we’ve even started. When we have to push the mirror out of the way to start your foundation, that’s clue #2. Then you start commenting about the foundation around your nose. “It’s not blended right there,”…in that one itty-bitty spot the size of speck of dust. You turn your head this way and that, looking for even the slightest variance in coverage. We move on, you holding the mirror up near our ears so that we have to twist our hands at an awkward angle to work around your scrutiny. You say things like, “Can you fix that little smudge on my eye shadow? It’s a little darker right here than it is on the other eye.” “You can’t put shadow there. I know, I read it in a magazine once.” “Is the eyeliner a little thicker right here than it is on this eye?” “Can you make sure and clean that little smudge up under my eyes?” “My skin is showing on this little spot on my chin? That means you didn’t pick the right type of foundation.”…I hope you’re getting the point here, Picky Girl. Let me clue you in on something…most of us, we’ll see it and we will fix it. Just give us the chance to. We’re not going to do it the very instant you want us to, but we’ll get there.

Well, we would have gotten there…if you’d kept your knowledge to yourself.

But by this time, we don’t even care if we’re doing a good job or not. You’ve pushed us beyond our limit, and we just want you out of our face. We’ve stopped talking or responding; we answer you in grunts. Unless, of course, you get the more aggressive artist—in which case you two are probably arguing by now. Regardless of whether you buy something or not, we won’t ever touch your face again. Not with a ten-foot pole…because we’d be far too tempted whack you over the head with it.

“The Know-It-All Makeover…With Friends”

Heaven forbid if your friends are with you. Then, you have to show them everything you know, too. You’re standing over our shoulders, watching and commenting on everything. You argue over our color choices, the way we decide to apply them. You say things like, “You should do silver on the lid and a really dark contour color in her crease because of her eyes.”…Which are the size of China—thanks anyway. Your friend looks to you, nodding her head and trying to be nice. Meanwhile, she can feel the heat coming off our skin caused by our growing rage. The red flush rising in our cheeks, she has a front row seat for it. She knows that any minute our heads are going to explode—and she realizes how easily those brushes dancing furiously over her face can be turned into weapons. Every one of us is praying for this experience to end. We try and ignore you, to work on selling your friend something pretty that we know she’ll love. But you just keep getting in the way. “Oh, don’t buy that,” you toss in. “You can get the same color at Sally’s for like, five bucks. It’s all made at the same place anyway.”

Seriously. Back off.

My point is—trust us. There are many amazing tips and tricks out there; every artist I know has one or two unique techniques that are theirs alone. If you don’t let us do our thing, you’re the one missing out. Big time.

Cheers, and Happy Shopping!

***If you guys have any topics that you feel I must cover right away—leave a comment below. I have a long list of people to get to…but I certainly don’t mind taking detours!